There’s a lad at my swimming club who is something of a casanova. Well, a divorced casanova to be accurate, who’s really enjoying the single life after the end of a lengthy relationship.
He was regaling us with Tales of a Single Man; of this girl and that girl. Of a girl he’d swapped trousers with the night before (true story) and a girl he was about to meet.
This piqued our interest in particular. “So she’s coming here? Soon?” we asked.
“Why yes,” he answered.
“So are you, like, going out with her?” we asked.
“Oh no, no, no,” he answered. “We are definitely not going out. We haven’t had the chat.”
“Have you shagged her?” we asked. (Well, I asked. #Nosy.)
“Yes,” he replied before leaving the conversation as quickly as possible.
The girl in question turned up a short time later and she was lovely. She was also clearly a girl who thought she had a boyfriend even though her boyfriend was insistent he didn’t have a girlfriend.
“How long have you two known each other,” we asked.
“We’ve been going out for about two months,” she answered.
The first flushes of a relationship can be complex to navigate. Are we dating each other? Seeing each other? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Do we love each other? Are we allowed to have sex without a condom?
Here are the rules I play by:
– You are dating someone when you’re going on dates but you haven’t slept with each other.
– You are seeing someone when you’re going on dates but you have slept with each other.
– You are going out with someone when you’re going on dates, sleeping with each other and have either had the chat about not dating or sleeping with anyone else or it’s been going on so long that the outcome of the chat is implied (admittedly, relying on the latter can be a dangerous tactic).
On this scale, incidentally, I am seeing The Surfing Yogi. We have moved beyond dating but we are definitely not at boyfriend girlfriend stage despite the gentle teasing of my friends.
As for Casanova, I hope he’s manned up and had a conversation with his lady friend. Or at least I hope she’s had the conversation with him. Because there’s nothing worse than thinking you’re at one stage when the person you’re with thinks they’re elsewhere. Let that be a lesson for all of us.
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