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Online dating, Random musings

Clever conversation and why it’s important

Make a point. Any point! Say something. Anything!

Make a point. Any point! Say something. Anything!

Billy Joel and I agree on most things. Until it comes to clever conversation.

According to Billy Joel, he doesn’t want clever conversation. He doesn’t want to work that hard.

I used to agree with Billy. There was something appealing about a strong, silent type. They were both mysterious and calming.

Two key words here: in theory.

In practice, they’re hard work. They can be tiring. They can be stressful especially if you suffer a little social anxiety. You end up saying things like “did you watch the federal budget?” on your second date.

(Note: most people don’t watch the federal budget and talking about the government’s fiscal policy generally doesn’t win you points romantically.)

I have tried everything to get The Surfing Yogi to talk. We’ve talked about surfing, yoga, work, family, rugby league, Jarryd Hayne, Tony Abbott. But the format of these chats has been me asking questions, posing thoughts, racking my brain for something, anything, to converse on after one discussion after another comes to a close.

I’ve tried comfortable silence. But it’s not so comfortable when you’ve just started seeing someone. It’s weird silence. And it goes on and on and on until I ask another question.

Let me be clear. I don’t mind the fact I now know what the surf is like on the south coast in winter. That’s the whole point of getting to know someone. But the thing is, the best relationships aren’t formed on Q&A. They’re formed on conversations.

He also doesn’t know anything about me. Because that’s the dark side of the strong, silent type. They’re so busy being strong and silent they don’t think to ask you anything.

Like Billy Joel, I just want someone I can talk to. I need conversation. And, actually, I would like it to be clever. I want someone who’s going to make me think. About anything! If he makes me think about whether I should put milk in the mug before my tea then that’s just as good as if he makes me think about whether or not War and Peace is all it’s cracked up to be.

It turns out I don’t want The Surfing Yogi just the way he is. My concerns about our relationship have crystallised. And now The Surfing Yogi and I are no longer. We broke up over text (no judgement, yeah?) and he was graceful at the end albeit as taciturn as usual.

The end of a relationship is always a bit sad even if it’s you who initiated it.

Picture: Susan NYC

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About athousanddates

Too many dates, too little time to blog about them all. This is your blog for the good, the bad and the very, very ugly of the wonderful world of dating.

Discussion

3 thoughts on “Clever conversation and why it’s important

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this. although I would like to explore what you mean by ‘clever conversation’. is witty back-n-forth banter necessary for example? or is honest, real, slightly more intense conversations better? what if you have one without the other whereas you desperately want both? is common silly humour it a nice to have or a must? in any case, i’m sad there was a little too much water damage in surfing yogi for him to deliver the thousanddate goods.

    ps – milk ALWAYS before hot water in your tea. it’s the british way!

    Posted by athousanddatesrocks | July 22, 2014, 12:53 pm
    • That is an excellent question! I think elements of all would be good (a bit of witty banter, a dash of honest, real and slightly more intense conversation etc etc). Although after this encounter, I’d take one or the other or, indeed, any form of conversation that doesn’t fall flat after a minute.

      PS Controversial! I’m a water-before-milk kinda gal

      Posted by athousanddates | July 22, 2014, 1:35 pm
  2. I’m like you, I love good conversation, I have dated some strong, silent types and it just didn’t work. I’m too much of a chatterbox.

    Posted by girlseule | October 4, 2014, 5:08 pm

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